The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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