You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
