My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
