You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
