I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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