I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
