My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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