we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
