I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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