Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
