When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
