I molested 6 butterflies tonight
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
