Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
