Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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