This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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