Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
