My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
