it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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