when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
