wrigley field is MILF paradise
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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