do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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