ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
