Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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