I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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