Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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