You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
