too bad you live with your parents still
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
