I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
