Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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