saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
