oh god the rape fog is back!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
