yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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