You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
