I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize