maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
