"it" just moved
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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