Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
