dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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