u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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