and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
