I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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