i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
