Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize