so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
