k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
