I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
