I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
