that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
