Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
