doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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