I'm going to jail i love you
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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