Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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