I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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