My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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