No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
