My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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