did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
