This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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