never play flip cup with pint glasses
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
