this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
