im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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