How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
