You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
