overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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