its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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