Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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