I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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