If i come over, it means nothing
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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