i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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