Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize