I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
