New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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