Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
