Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
