Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
