she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
