i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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