his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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