just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
