i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
