also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You don't make any sense
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