i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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