he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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