dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
