I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize