: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
