You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
