Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
