She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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