Need sex. Gaining weight.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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