So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
