I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
