I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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