there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
