Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
