dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
